Tinnitus, commonly called ringing in the ears or head, which only the person afflicted can hear, can be a very debilitating condition. I had heard of it, because it is one of the risks of working in noisy industry, like my workplaces where I worked for the past forty years. I always wore hearing protecting at work and at home, I knew the risk. I heard about Tinnitus, but, never experienced it. All hearing tests, which I had often, over the years, did not show signs of hearing loss. Hearing loss is the main cause of Tinnitus. Many young people get it when exposed to loud music. Musicians, war veterans and all workers in loud industries are most susceptible.
On Jan 14th this year I pulled a muscle in my back and it may be a coincidence that I got a ringing in the ear at the same time. It may have been the back injury that set it off. I suffered through the high pitch ringing and buzzing for a couple weeks and finally got to see my doctor about it, on Jan 31. I had ear wax impacted in my left ear. I was so relieved because I was believing that with the removal of this wax, all would return to normal. I will spare the details, but after the ear wax was removed and confirmed with a second doctor visit on Feb 14th , it did not stop the ringing. I thought that it may take a week for the hearing organ to adjust. That was ten days ago and the intense high pitch ringing seems to have intensified on some days. The doctor basically said there is nothing that could be done, I will just have to get used to it. This is a devastating thing to hear, it gives you no hope at all.
I dived into my own research on it. Some people have mild Tinnitus which they can easily ignore. From what I understand the intensity of what I am experiencing may be at the moderate level or higher. Its very annoying and continuous, but over time I will probably habituate and the mind will learn to ignore it. I heard this could take 6-18 months for 98% of people afflicted with tinnitus distress to habituate.
So, I will not get into all that I learnt about this condition. The internet is full of info on this subject and like all internet sites, some are reliable and others are untrustworthy and misleading. I did find one very helpful youtube video at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVaac8TNoAs
In this video, Dr. Bruce Hubbard provides resources for tinnitus distress which affects about 16 million people in the United States. Tinnitus, commonly known as "ringing in the ears", is an auditory condition that in one out of three cases triggers a persistent emotional reaction, highly related to anxiety, depression and insomnia, that ranges in severity from mild to disabling. Cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) -- which has been under development for decades -- is the only evidence-based treatment for tinnitus distress. Dr. Hubbard provides an overview of CBT strategies, including acceptance and mindfulness, specifically for addressing this condition. Dr Hubbard is a clinical psychologist and educator in New York City who specializes in treating the emotional impact of tinnitus, sound sensitivity and hearing loss, using mindfulness-based cognitive-behavior therapy.
The key information I got from this video is that I may not be able to control tinnitus, but, I may be able to manage my emotional reaction to it. This realization was the beginning of hope for me. The mind and organs that control fight or flight response to threats in our inner and outer environment can go into stress chemical release overload, if not brought under control. This body/mind response can send us into a fear and worry state, where panic attacks, heart palpitations, and sleep deprivation can spiral into a continuous and fierce feedback loop that can fully disable us if we do not learn how to deal with it. This is the mind-body state that I was under for over a month, off and on. I had never had a challenge in my life greater then this one. At times, I thought I would go insane. Unfortunately it is a condition which you suffer alone, there is not a lot of help, sympathy or understanding from others on this. It is not a physical threat for 99.99 % of cases, however it is a dreadful psychological distress that can affect your whole life and being. If you can't tap into your own inner resources for relief, it will become a tinnitus distress trap, that will be very disabling.
I was fortunate to have learned cognitive awareness over the past 5-6 years. One thing I have learned in meditation practice is the ability to observe my thoughts. It is a well know ability of humans called metacognition, an awareness and understanding of one's own thought processes. Its an inner awareness about your own thinking. You learn to become the observer of , not only your thoughts but also body sensations and emotions. One of the most basic meditations is to become aware of your breath. To recover from a sudden onslaught of stress hormones from a panic attack, deep breathing is a known and proved recovery method that releases rest and relaxation chemicals that shuts down the stress response. I have been using this method daily to stabilize the body and mind response to this false threat alarm that rarely stops for long. In the video Dr Hubbard talks about tinnitus as being a 'paper tiger'. The mind thinks its a real physical threat to life, much like a real wild tiger would be but upon further examinations of the facts its one that seems outwardly powerful or dangerous but inwardly weak and powerless.
Tinnitus is more like a paper tiger, a false alarm,
then the perceived real threat your mind wants you to believe.
In time the mind will no longer see this condition as a threat. I don't need to be afraid of a paper tiger. However this is easier said then accomplished. I will still have a steep learning curve in order to deal with this. I have withdrawn further into the inner mystery of the true self and deeper into the meditative practice. It has taken my awareness into the inner space of mind, body and spirit and taught new skills to deal with a great mental and physical challenge. I have learned through this challenge that non-resistance, surrender to what is, and acceptance is the only portal through this. If we resist it, it will persist and get stronger. Surrender and acceptance may not change what is, but it transforms you, and when you are transformed, your whole world seems to have transformed too.
I believe the only right position to take in a life condition like this, is to accept what is, by trusting that the infinite love and intelligence behind all of life, knows what its doing. Suffering brings us to a deeper awareness of life. It wakes us up to reality. We grow in compassion, empathy, and love with a greater trust in the forces of life which is greater then little "I". We move past mere body and mind identity and realize there is a greater dimension to who we are. We are spirit having a human experience. Suffering brings us back to the reality of who we are. When we surrender and stop resisting what life brings to us, this is the end of suffering. Pain may still be there but suffering is a choice. The choice is surrender or suffer. As long as there is inner resistance there will be anxiety and fear. Anxiety is mind drama and its root is fear based. When we see that, this is the beginning of liberation. I have learned to not trust every thought that pops into my awareness, but this mental condition of ringing/buzzing in the head set me back into anxiety and fear like I have never experienced before. I now see it for what it is ..mind drama. Now, I just have to ignore the mind made drama and live life from a deeper level of soul, heart and spirit. This has been a great teacher and an unexpected blessing. I am still learning in this experience and life is revealing its truth to me.
